Where I’ve been…

Ironically, I posted in March 2019 about an unintentional break from the blog. That break was only for a month or so. And now here we are, a full 10 months since my last post. Again, not intentional but I think we can call this one a legit break. But you know what? Sometimes life takes precedence.

For those who don’t follow my social media attached to this blog (which I have kept up), you’re probably wondering where I’ve been. There are many reasons I’ve not been writing and they all kind of snowballed quickly.

Not long after my last post, the most debilitating case of vertigo hit me thanks to an extremely stressful travel experience, the pressure changes of flying, plus being susceptible to it. I’ve had it twice before but never this severe. It impacted every single part of my life. I became a shell of the person I am and struggled to still manage LIFE. I missed only a week of work but still worked through some incredibly hard symptoms and horrific days. I quickly realized that work and my day to day was about all my brain could handle. I had no brain power left for creativity outside of that.

And so…the blog fell away.

I’d go weeks with symptoms then weeks without. And it’s those weeks without where I chose to focus on and really enjoy my life and the moments when I was well. Plus it was summertime at that point, so I focused on my health, family and favorite time of year.

Then? I got pregnant with baby boy #2 and as all the mamas out there can attest – my brain became even more mush. I struggled from the beginning thanks to hormones and all the shifts your body makes even more quickly the 2^nd time around – anxiety, fibromyalgia pain with no relief, migraines and vertigo flares. One of those alone is too much but pile them together and add in the worry you have in early pregnancy, plus caring for my toddler – it just about did me in. I was mentally and physically exhausted – and still am – but just starting to feel a bit better overall despite the vertigo still making its presence known to this day.

I’ve thought about this blog constantly during my time away. I have a lot to say but sometimes think I put too much pressure on myself to have these largely impactful posts. That’s kept me from posting too. I’ve come to realize that that’s not always going to be the case. And I need to be okay with that, give myself some grace and just go with it. So here I am, back at it. No promises, though, for how often I’ll post or if I’ll take another break. We’ll see!

Bottom line, writing here is therapeutic for me and I do think some of what I share can possibly help others. I may not have many followers or readers, but I’m determined to keep this going for me and maybe that one person I may reach. I won’t have a set posting schedule or expectations, but I do have a lot of posts planned and hope you stick around to see what’s to come.

How I stay healthy – what I eat and how I move

NOTE: This is simply my story and how I live to feel my best. What’s best for you may be entirely different! Also, I talk about weight here but don’t get hung up on it. It’s not about that. It’s about making the commitment to take control of your health.

About 4 years ago, I was at the heaviest I’ve ever been – 30 pounds heavier than I am now. I even weighed more than I did on the day I gave birth to Callan. I didn’t mind how I looked, but I was uncomfortable. I remember wearing that bridesmaid dress and tugging at it the entire night. My confidence was at an all-time low. I think everyone has a weight or size where they feel most confident. If that’s lean and strong, great! If that’s softer and thicker, great! At the time, I was working out 4-5 times a week, eating healthy and even doing meal replacement shakes. But nothing was working. I was also sick ALL THE TIME. Constant massive sinus infections, colds, viruses. I even caught BOTH strains of the flu that came through my area – within a two month span. Something had to give.

The dairy/immunity link
I met with a naturopathic doctor and one of the first things she suggested was that I give up dairy. The thought of that was ludicrous to me. I ate dairy every day, at nearly every meal. I put cheese on everything and lived for ice cream. I actually laughed because I truly believed there was no way I could ever do that. She said my immunity likely depended on it and with how sick I’d been, I decided to give it a shot. It wasn’t easy. I made small changes at first – cooking with dairy-free butter, using almond milk creamer in my coffee. I made more changes over time and it got easier. After the initial dairy detox, I learned that I could sneak some dairy here and there. I don’t do it often, but let’s be real for a minute. I’ve tried every dairy-free pizza there is, but if I want pizza, I go for the real thing. Or when my husband comes home with tiramisu – you can bet your ass I’m devouring that.

So what happened once I nixed dairy? My immunity skyrocketed and the weight started to come off more easily. Everyone is different but it’s obvious my body knows it’s not good for me. One question I always get asked is how I get enough calcium since I don’t eat dairy. My response? You don’t need dairy for calcium. That is a perpetuated myth. It can be found in lots of other foods. And even many non-dairy substitutes are often packed with it. For me personally, I get more than enough through supplements as I outlined here so any additional calcium from my diet is just a bonus.

What I eat
There is no label for how I eat, though if I had to choose I’d say I am mostly pescatarian with vegan tendencies if that makes any sense at all. Related note – I despise the word ‘diet.’ I’m a firm believer that diets don’t work, but lifestyle changes do. That being said – I don’t just avoid dairy. I also follow these ‘guidelines’ that I’ve adapted over time:

No meat. I haven’t had it for over a decade now. For no other reason than I just never liked it. I DO eat some seafood and have fish 1-2x a week.
Limit gluten/bread to a couple of times a week.
Limit soy. Soy of some form is in nearly everything it seems. My doctors had told me early on in my cancer battle that soy can impact hormone function which isn’t a great idea in general, but with my thyroid issues, that’s not an option for me. I’ll have some soy-based meat substitutes at times, but I try to avoid it for the most part.
No processed or frozen foods/meals. If I can’t pronounce or don’t recognize ingredients, I don’t eat it.
Limit pasta. If I do eat it, I opt for versions made with quinoa, chickpeas and/or brown rice.
No fast food. There aren’t many options for me anyway but a lot of ingredients are not clear cut. And things like fries are often cooked in beef flavor/fat/oil.
No soda of any kind. I used to drink one diet soda a day and never thought I’d break the habit but it was SO easy to nix. I don’t even miss it.
No excess sugar and also don’t drink sugar (like fruit juices) often. If I want something sweet, I’ll treat myself every so often.

It sounds strict, but it’s really not. I eat what I want, when I want. Today, for instance, I had both a green smoothie and vegan chai cupcake. Balance, people. I just eat in moderation and try to make healthy choices overall. I also graze. I eat a lot but I do so throughout the day. And most importantly? I give myself grace. If I have a poor day of eating, I simply start fresh the next day. And I allow room for treats. I have a big sweet tooth and know that if I don’t allow them, then I’ll be in the pantry at midnight elbow-deep in a box of cookies.

I’ve talked to so many people who say they could never eat healthy or eat like I do. You don’t have to! But you should eat for wellness. Is the food really worth it if it makes you feel awful physically? If it’s literally making you sick? If it’s keeping you from reaching your goals? To me, feeling healthy overall is worth making some changes and sticking to them. Find what works for you.

How I move
Like I mentioned here, I do what I can, when I can. It’s not easy for me by any means. I’m a mom now and exhausted for obvious reasons. I don’t sleep well in general. My thyroid is still never regulated which also lowers my energy. And on top of that? I have fibromyalgia, which I’ll talk more about at some point. I’m in pain every.single.day. For me, it means I need to move to feel better, even though it hurts to move at times. And yet, the more stationary I am, the more pain I’m in. Working out can help but it can also cause flares, spasms and more pain. It can be a vicious cycle that leaves me unmotivated to move. BUT despite it all, I still try to workout 3-4 days a week.

I was diligent in staying active throughout my pregnancy. I was lucky in that I was able to feel well enough overall to do so. Even on the days that I didn’t want to budge, I always felt better after I moved. That being said, I listened to my body and if I needed to rest then I did. I kayaked (holding onto strangers’ docks thanks to nausea lol), swam, did yoga and walked. Now, I do the same, sticking with low-impact workouts for pain management. I simply feel better when I do. Yoga will always be a favorite and I swim all summer long. I walk and do some strength exercises whenever I think of them – found moment workouts, if you will. Leg lifts while brushing my teeth or cooking. Ab work while the baby is playing next to me on his play mat. Squats while on conference calls. Whenever you THINK of working out, DO it.

Is it easy to workout often with a baby and everything else I have to contend with health-wise? Nope. But it’s important to me that Callan know how vital it is to prioritize health and wellness. That he knows he’s my why, not my excuse. And bottom line? A healthy, happy mama = a healthy, happy baby.

If you’re still reading at this point, I’m impressed. Now it’s your turn. What do you eat and how do you move to feel well?

Don’t wait for a new year to be who you want to be

I admit I like the thought of a new year and a fresh start. A reset of sorts. New year, new you, right? But what I don’t like? The pressure to reach nearly unattainable goals and unreasonable expectations. I’ve seen person after person set themselves up for ‘failure.’ I’ve been a gym rat at different times in my life and always dreaded the month of January. The gyms become overcrowded January 1^st, but by the end of the month? Everyone has cleared out. Sure, there are people who stick to their resolutions, but it’s not easy.

We are all works in progress. There are always areas I’d like to improve, things to do better, goals I want to achieve. And I truly believe you certainly don’t have to wait to the start of a new year to become who you want to be. So for me, I never set resolutions at the start of the year. Instead, I work on reaching goals day to day throughout the year.

If you haven’t picked up on it from this blog or my social media account yet, I’m quite health conscious. I have to eat well and be active in order to feel good. I’ve made lifestyle changes over the years that I’ve been able to adhere to. How? I follow these principles, which would be helpful to try when making resolutions:

Start small. Make one change at a time. Start cooking with non-dairy butter, for example. If you try to change too much at once, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You simply won’t be able to maintain it all.
Be specific. If you make a general resolution, you’re not going to be able to achieve it or stay motivated. Saying, “I want to lose weight” is not feasible. How much weight, by when, and how are you going to do it? Set specific, measurable goals for yourself.
Make changes gradually. And know they will take time.
Allow room for setbacks. They’re bound to happen. Over the holidays I ate too much junk and I certainly felt it. And just yesterday I felt worse during and after a workout than I did before, and got really frustrated until I reminded myself every day will be different.
Avoid the scale for the most part. Go by how you feel, not a number.
Get support when needed. My husband is the one who puts everything in perspective for me often.
Reward yourself. Are you seeing progress? Get a new outfit you feel confident in. This can help keep you motivated to reach your next goal.
One moment doesn’t erase all of your progress. I know I won’t always find healthy food options while out. It is what it is and you can’t beat yourself up for it.
Do what you can, when you can. I know I won’t find time to work out every day. But I can certainly build movement into each day. Squats while cooking or holding the baby. Leg lifts while waiting for the dog outside. Ab work while the baby plays on his mat. ANYTHING! It adds up. Trust me.

All this being said, I’d love to hear your thoughts on resolutions. Do you make them? Do you despise them? Do you take my approach to setting goals throughout the year instead?

Christmas décor & ornament DIY

The holiday season is one of my favorite times. There’s a lot to look forward to, between my birthday, Christmas, traditions, quality time with family and some time off. We’re in full Christmas mode over here so I thought I’d take you through some of our Christmas home décor, our favorite ornaments and a simple DIY you can make today. It would be perfect if you’re looking for a last-minute gift with only 3 days to go until Christmas.

Confession – I’ve never had a real tree before. That may seem odd to some, but I grew up having an artificial tree and it’s what I know. Plus, the smell of pine gives me an instant headache so artificial has always been the best option. I usually start decorating the week of Thanksgiving so I have 6 weeks or so to enjoy it all. Most of it is centered in our living room, but I put something in nearly every room – small little trinkets, Christmas lights, signs. The baby has his own tree in his room too.

When we bought our house, there were basically two tiny living rooms joined by a door. The design made no sense. Someday I’ll share the before and after in its entirety but let’s just say there was farm animal wall paper and carpet holding so much dirt and allergens the water was still black after 4 steam cleans. We started over – ripped out the floors, knocked down the adjoining wall, installed a beam, whitewashed the fireplace and added customized woodwork on the bottom half of the walls throughout, since it already existed in one of the rooms. Now we have one large open living space. We have an area for Callan to play and have his therapy appointments comfortably. And we now also have the perfect spot for our tree.

The Christmas tree was my birthday gift this year. It’s snow-covered, pre-lit with warm lights and so so so beautiful in person. My initial goal was to get a galvanized tub to put the tree base in. I started the hunt for one more than 3 years ago. I wanted something vintage and keep checking antique shops to no avail – which is probably because it’s suddenly everyone’s plan. But for now, the tree collar does the job.

We kept the ornaments simple this year, mostly including those that hold special meaning for us. Here are a few:

Callan’s pregnancy announcement

Where we got married

Obligatory 1st Christmas

Our pup, Shea

From my Memere

Let’s talk this birth announcement ornament I made. I’ve been making these for loved ones for special occasions for probably a decade now. Weddings, baby showers, birth announcements – you can really do it for anything you want to keep as a memento. And it’s so easy! Here’s a brief how-to:

Buy plastic craft ornaments (or glass if you don’t break everything like I do).
Cut your invitation or announcement into skinny strips. Tip: If there is an image you want intact or text you want to read in full, then cut accordingly. For a birth announcement, cut out the name, birth date, weight, etc.
One at a time, take each strip and wrap it around a small pen or pencil. Hold it tight for a few seconds. Let it go and you’ll have these pieces that resemble curled ribbon.
Fill the ornament with the curled pieces, making sure the images/text you want to see are visible.
That’s it!

Another tip – you don’t have to do this only for a special occasion. Keep it simple by using patterned or different colored paper to create unique ornaments. If you happen to make one, I want to see it!

I hope you all have an amazing holiday season filled with the moments that matter. Thanks for joining me on this journey so far. We have lots more to come in 2019!

This is 36

Photo: Copyright House of Kosi

Yes, I shared my age.

No, it doesn’t bother me – obviously.

Yes, my birthday is a national holiday in our household.

Yes, I make my husband take the day off to celebrate me (as he should haha).

No, he does not like birthdays.

Yes, he humors me. He likes to follow the happy wife, happy life philosophy. Smart guy.

Now that that’s all out of the way, here’s a recap of my birthday last week.

I have always loved my birthday. In general, I am not a fan of attention and feel like I’m fairly socially awkward. But on my birthday, it’s different. I think the urgency to celebrate is more tangible now with everything I’ve been through. When you deal with chronic health issues over time and face your mortality, celebrating another trip around the sun is simply a requirement in my opinion. Maybe that’s just me, but I’m so dang thankful for every year I have. I know it’s not guaranteed. PLUS, I mean…I grew, birthed and nourished a baby this year – an incredible one at that. That deserves celebrating.

A couple of weeks ago I asked my husband if he was taking my birthday off – more to confirm than to ask (see above). Lol He said yes and that he had a surprise planned. Who are you?! Just kidding. I was blown away but also super curious. Every time he mentioned my birthday I’d sneak in a, “What are we doing?” He didn’t slip, though.

We had an hour drive and until the last minute I had no idea what we were doing. Wait, I should mention that next to my birthday, Christmas is my all-time favorite. I just love all of it. I affectionately call my husband the Grinch because he despises it. Are you noticing a theme here? We even have a Festivus for the Rest of Us sign (Seinfeld reference) as part of our holiday décor.

We arrived at a furniture store. Odd, but then I saw a sign for The Enchanted Village. I had no idea what it was but I knew it was Christmas-themed and we were enjoying it as a family on my birthday. What could be better?

The Enchanted Village is a New England staple that started decades ago thanks to a local department store. When my husband was little, his Mom would keep him out of school to visit. This furniture store took it over. And my goodness, it is incredible. Holiday family photos, Christmas displays, light show, Polar Express ride in 4D, ice skating and photos with Santa.

Photo: Copyright House of Kosi

The little guy met the big guy for the first time and you’d think they’d known each other forever. For every other child, they had to make a concerted effort to get them to laugh or even look at the camera, and not cry. Callan? He loved every moment. And Santa did too, apparently, because he spent extra time with him and told the other kids to wait because, “We’re hanging out.” These photos are just classic Callan, and something we’ll always treasure.

Photo: Copyright House of Kosi

A big thank you to my hubby for planning this incredible birthday surprise for me and for us as a family. It’s absolutely going to become a tradition for us. Happy Birthday to me, indeed.

Family above all

Photo: Copyright House of Kosi

I talked about being a full-time working mom recently, here. What I didn’t mention was that behind the scenes, we’d made a big decision. The gears were already in motion for a positive change for our family and we were just waiting for it to be official.

As of today, I now have every Friday off with my boy. I’m still working 4 full days a week but I think the one extra day of quality time will help in so many ways. Most importantly, it will give me more 1:1 time with my boy, which we both need. It will relieve a bit of the pressure I feel regarding his development, which I mentioned here. I think it will alleviate a bit of the mom guilt (for lack of a better term) I felt as a full-time working mom. (FYI if you’re a full-time working mom, I give you all due respect because it ain’t easy to say the least). It will make our weekends a bit slower paced since we tend to cram so much into those two short days that we wear ourselves out. We can hopefully take care of some appointments on Fridays, too, though we admittedly don’t have many options for some specialists.

I’m just really excited to dedicate more time to my boy. My priority above all – appointments and therapies included – is for Callan and I to continue to build as close a bond as humanly possible. Right now, that means we need more time. I know we are lucky to be able to do this and I am truly grateful for the ability to make this change. I’m grateful for a supportive husband who knows how beneficial it will be to our boy and who immediately vowed to make it work. And I’m grateful for a supportive team and corporate environment that values employees and a healthy work/life balance. I realize that isn’t as common as it should be and I don’t take it for granted. It was worth taking the career risk to prioritize family over work because family comes first, no question. Callan will only be little once. I want to make the most of this time and give him everything I possibly can at this stage.

Today, we’re celebrating our first day of our new schedule with some needed 1:1 time and a fun playdate with some new friends in the T21 community. Here’s to a great start and many mommy & me shenanigans to come.