4 minutes…a milestone reached

Photo: Copyright House of Kosi

I have so many topics I want to write about. So many posts planned.

But today I’m writing about something I didn’t think I’d be writing about at the moment. Milestones. Expectations. Goals reached. Pride. The baby is now sleeping and I felt compelled to document our day.

At 10 ½ months old, Callan sat unassisted today for more than 4 MINUTES. Up until today, he would sit for a few seconds max and fling himself backwards hoping someone would catch him. Not the safest approach! We’ve worked – he’s worked – incredibly hard on this skill for months now. It’s his least favorite because it takes a great deal of effort, he gets frustrated, it’s uncomfortable and for a kiddo with lower muscle tone in his core – it’s freaking hard, simple as that. One of our physical therapy goals was to have him sitting unassisted by his 1^st birthday, which is less than 6 weeks away (that knocks the wind out of me to even write). Of course I believe he can accomplish anything, but the irony is that just last night I said to my husband that I didn’t think we’d reach that goal. Why? Because while I knew he could sit for longer than a few seconds, he didn’t WANT to.

If you take anything away from my writing, let it be the one thing I’ve learned as a parent of a child who needs extra help in some areas: They’re not going to learn if you keep them comfortable. Kids like comfort. Can you blame them? But discomfort leads to accomplishments. I suppose that’s true for life, isn’t it? So every day we’ve worked with Callan, using techniques we learned in therapy but also other tricks we’ve learned along the way. And sometimes, tears were involved. If he didn’t catch himself and got startled. If he was just over the exercise. We’ve also worked on comforting or rescuing him (when working on skills) only when he’s truly upset or scared, not when something is hard. And if he’s upset because something is hard, we give plenty of reassurance. He’s come SO far with this skill. He recovers quickly now and it’s become apparent to those closest to him as well. As his mom, it’s the absolute worst to see him upset, but I also trust that he’s learning the skills he needs to cope in these situations.

When I realized he was sitting for more than 30 seconds today, I took this photo. Then I started recording. More than 1 minute later, I abandoned the video to take it all in. More than 4 minutes later, the shock turned to tears for me. Watching your baby learn and grow yields such complex emotions for any parent. But watching your baby accomplish something that’s taken such concerted extra effort day after day after day after day? And to suddenly do it like it was no big deal? My pride is indescribable. He wobbled a bit then didn’t even fall – he lightly moved to the side then rolled to his belly smoothly – another accomplishment. I scooped him up as tears poured down my face. And I told him what I tell him every day. “I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud to be your Mama. You are brave, you are strong, you are smart – you can accomplish anything.” I just am in awe of him. Of what he can do, how he overcomes obstacles, his ambition and fighting spirit that are already palpable.

The physical and cognitive abilities of babies with T21 are not predictable. Like every other person in the world, every child with T21 is different. At our genetics appointment recently, the counselor said something that stuck with me. He said, “Einstein has the same number of chromosomes that I do. But I can guarantee you we do not have the same intellect or physical abilities.” And he’s right. Callan may have an extra chromosome, but he also has his own unique set of abilities. While we push him to attain what are deemed appropriate milestones within a certain age range, we place no strict expectations on him based on other children and where he “should” be in comparison. We push him to reach HIS potential. Plus, he’s quickly taught us that he’s going to reach milestones at his own pace anyway, when he’s good and ready.

I think milestones in general are a tough concept. I have a difficult time believing every child should reach certain milestones in the same timeframe. How is that even feasible with how unique each child is? That being said, I admit it has been hard at times to see babies Callan’s age who are already sitting up, crawling, pulling up, etc. I never ever play the comparison game, but just last week I had a moment of feeling like we weren’t making progress. I swear Callan is in my head and hears my thoughts because as soon as I start to let the worry creep in, he pulls out all the stops and shows off a new, epic skill. He’s like, “Oh yeah, Mama? Watch this.”

I should note that today is a Friday. I recently made the transition to a shorter work week with Fridays off so that I could get more time with Callan. Days like today prove yet again why that was the best decision we could have made. These are the moments that we work toward, and why it’s so important we get extra time. These are the moments that I want and need to be with him for. These are the moments I live for.