An unintentional break

Photo: Copyright House of Kosi 

This is the 1st time I’ve caught Callan sleeping like this. Documentation is required – obviously. Why does finding your baby like this tug at your heart so much? It hit me harder than I expected…seeing him so peaceful. Because the truth is, he’s had a really rough week.

You may or may not have noticed (likely not lol), that I took a break from the blog the last 6 weeks or so. It wasn’t intentional. And it was really for no other reason than I simply had no extra brain power to do it. Between Callan’s birthday month, first birthday celebrations, unending appointments, work, obligations, being sick for 3 of those weeks and just – life – I decided to slow down a little and soak up the day to day instead of putting pressure on myself to share when I wasn’t really feeling it. It is what it is, right?

So…this week. It was physically rough for Callan but mentally exhausting for me. And I’ll preface this by saying – trust me – I know things could be worse. I count our blessings every moment of every day. But that doesn’t mean Callan doesn’t go through hard moments or that they aren’t stressful or traumatic for us.

Children with T21 often have thyroid issues and are at an increased risk of childhood leukemia. So we monitor his thyroid and CBC closely because of this. On Monday, I took him for his 1 year bloodwork. We have yet to have a good experience with bloodwork. Multiple people who can never find a vein and it’s just traumatizing on every level. Previous recommendations for “the best” haven’t panned out so I went straight to the children’s hospital this time. The good part? The phlebotomist got a vein on the 1st try and filled 3 vials in under a minute. The bad news? I had to hold him down while he screamed out of fear, shock and pain. But although he was upset, he did great and recovered quickly. Much quicker than me.

He needed further testing based on his Monday results and so Wednesday it was back to the same chair. Bloodwork TWICE IN TWO DAYS. We had no choice. His CBC was normal (thank goodness!) but his thyroid levels were off. At his age, thyroid not functioning correctly can impact growth and development among other things. They wanted a handle on this ASAP. Same phlebotomist. He took one look at her and knew what was coming. He looked up at me in sheer terror. He flailed and squirmed so badly I had to use all my strength to keep his body steady and my poor mom had to hold his head. I felt completely gutted doing this in the first place but twice in two days was just awful to say the least.

Results of additional tests so far are ok but we need to follow-up with a pediatric endocrinologist soon. Based on my personal experience and history with thyroid issues, I’m optimistic that we’ll manage what comes our way. But I also know how much it can impact daily life and overall health, so I’ll be a bit anxious until we get more answers.

But for now? I watch my baby sleep peacefully, at a loss for words when I realize just how much he lives up to the meaning of his name…and in complete awe at just how incredibly brave he is.